Love and Fear : Two Sides of the same Coin


These are difficult and challenging times but when fear, hatred, desire for revenge, intolerance and anger are present – Love is missing.  Fear and Love are opposites.

Fear causes our heart to contract at the emotional and the physical level. With fear, possibilities are fewer and life can feel very narrow and restrictive (like our arteries over time!)

However, Love holds hands with Courage to overcome Fear.

Love is at the core of our being.  We don’t have to find it – it is and always has been within us.  Tucked in the inner recesses of our Being.  Sometimes the journey to “re-discover” it can seem a long one and yet there are moments when we experience it totally and may not even recognise it.  For example:

•    Beautiful images “that lift our spirits”
•    The birth of a baby
•    Children really laughing
•    Strength in adversity
•    Being with a loved one at a special moment
•    A beautiful starlit sky
•    The unconditional generosity of another
and many more……….

But Love is not soft and soppy. The component parts of the love I refer to are:
Honesty; Integrity; Respect; Open-ness; Genuine-ness; Truth; Courage;     Authenticity; Joy; Generosity; Laughter; Stillness; Freedom; Clarity; Willingness;   Sharing;  Compassion; Empathy and Compassion.

Love is a felt sense, a sense of expansion, when the heart feels full. Sometimes people say “my heart was so full I thought I’d burst”.  When love is present, tenderness and strength co-exist. People may be moved to tears by its power but tears can be of joy and relief too.  In these moments we may feel vulnerable but the paradox is this:

How can that be?  Because when we are vulnerable, we are open, exposed, REAL.  We are flowing with the river of life, not swimming against it.  We surrender, we fall into ourselves and within we find the Love that is there – has always been there – the eternally burning light.  The light that is.  The light never goes out – no matter how dark life sometimes gets.  It is said that the “darkest hour is just before dawn” and frequently great insights and change come after a “dark night of the soul”.

Sometimes, it is as if we create the dramas and traumas in life to challenge us to look within and begin taking us back to that place we know.  A time of ‘re-membering’, ‘re-joicing’, ‘re-connecting’.  The parting of the 70,000 veils to reveal the inner treasure ~ Love.  No judgements, no criticisms, no anger, no bitterness, no recriminations.  Just Love. All embracing, all encompassing, all knowing, never ending Love.  Love that cradles us like a parent with a new born child.  Love that holds us in our pain.  Love that sometimes creates the pain so that we may grow.  Love that wraps around us like a beautiful cloak.

As you journey with yourself, get to know yourself better, be kinder to yourself. As you become more open, more generous and compassionate with yourself, so you become that way with others.  It is a natural evolutionary process.  “As ye sow, so shall ye reap”.

Through this process barriers can be broken down, conflicts resolved and communication become authentic.  Win/Win is possible when Right/Wrong are not part of the equation.

When we point the finger at others, when we label them bad or evil…..we have missed the point.  By focusing outwards on how others seem to be, we don’t look within.  We don’t acknowledge the shadow parts of us.  The parts that can be spiteful, vengeful, angry, dismissive, shut down or rejecting.  We like to think that we would never behave like “they” have behaved.  But….there is always a potential killer in us.  A mother to protect her child is a classic example.

Often we dress our shadow in a mantle of self-righteousness and self-justification.  Worse, we just believe that we are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT and all views opposed to ours are WRONG and BAD.  Then Love is lost and our hearts become bitter and twisted.

As I said at the start, these are turbulent and frightening times…..but as with all adversity it contains the opportunity for us to learn and grow.  Take time to look at yourself.  The words ‘Know Thyself’ from the Oracle at Delphi are even more important in our modern world.  There are many paths available to do this from talking therapies to bodywork.  Reading can be the inspiration that opens the doors to go further. Whatever route you choose, I urge you to choose one because as a psychotherapist and mentor for the past thirty years, I know both personally and professionally that INNER PEACE = WORLD PEACE.

Akasha Lonsdale, Positive Change Mentor
Akasha is a psychotherapist, mentor, Interfaith Minister, Laughter Yoga teacher and founder of The Life Mastery Academy™
Twitter : @AkashaLonsdale

(c) Akasha Lonsdale 1987 – 2015.  No part, or parts of this article may be copied or reproduced without the permission of the author, Akasha Lonsdale. Thank you for respecting my intellectual property.